My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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