I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
