omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
