Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
