why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, beer. Big fan.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
