dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
