i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wanna passion pit in your ass
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
