I got chris browned last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
