you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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