I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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