he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
