Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
