Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
