I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
