Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
