finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
