So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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