i think i have two assholes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
