I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
