she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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