got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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