I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude. I can hear the air.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
