you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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