apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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