it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
home. puking in laundry basket.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
