Just took my morning after pill in the library
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
