I'm lost and stupid without you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
