I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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