You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
