You just made me feel so damn special
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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