dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
