My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
