there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
