I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
