Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
