party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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