look no pants
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
bring money and cleavage
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
