There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
