My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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