How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
