There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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