some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
