Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
