so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
