I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize