its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
