I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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