If that was your dad, he is hot
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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