at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
