dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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