Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
