Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
