Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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